****Tattoo Humor****
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in
disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on
his privates?" "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a
while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home
and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Welcome to Jamaica
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and
Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said
that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would
put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name
tattooed on your pecker."John couldn't back out on that one, so
he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have
an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo
was done.As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a
rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom
and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect,
the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y. Suddenly, a big
black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked
down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and
Y tattooed. So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy
too." The guy looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?" John
replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend
named Wendy?" The guy laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says,
"Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day."
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT THE TATTOO PARLOR
"Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
"We're all out of red, so I used pink."
"There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
"I’d like you to meet my father-in-law, he’s a laser removal specialist."
"Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."
"Just let me toss back another shot and we’ll get started."
"That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."
"Don’t worry, this is a one of a kind tattoo. Your clover has five leaves, not four."
"Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."
"If you don’t like it, don’t panic. I do bitchin’ cover-ups."
"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."
"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
"The flag's all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."
"Oops...."
"Latex gloves are for sissies."
"Do you mind paying me up front? People stiff me if I don’t get the money before I do the job"
"I haven’t learned drawing a Grim Reaper yet, so I did a naked chick hugging Mickey instead."
Dirty holiday tattoo joke
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for
2 tattoos. She wanted a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the
right thigh. When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos. She replied " My
husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and
Christmas."
Green Green Grass
A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered.
This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange
clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and
was scheduled for immediate surgery.When she was completely disrobed on
the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and
above it was a tattoo reading: 'keep off the grass.'After the prep and
the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "Sorry,
had to mow the lawn."
Tattoo On Her Butt
There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll.
He brought her back to the States and they were very happy. He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had. Every day it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have." Every night it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have."Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with
a tattoo on her rear end that said, "Beautiful Butt." So she finds a
reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to
turn around and after a brief pause says, "There is no way I can get "Beautiful
Butt" on your tiny little beautiful butt." But I can put a nice "B" on each
cheek which will stand for "Beautiful Butt." A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B's.
Well the big day arrives and after a candle light dinner, gifts, and a sip of brandy, she appears in the bedroom in
her birthday suit, turns around and bends over. Quickly sitting up he exclaims, "Darling I love you, but who the hell is
BoB?"
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in
disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on
his privates?" "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a
while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home
and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Welcome to Jamaica
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and
Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said
that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would
put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name
tattooed on your pecker."John couldn't back out on that one, so
he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have
an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo
was done.As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a
rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom
and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect,
the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y. Suddenly, a big
black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked
down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and
Y tattooed. So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy
too." The guy looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?" John
replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend
named Wendy?" The guy laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says,
"Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day."
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT THE TATTOO PARLOR
"Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
"We're all out of red, so I used pink."
"There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
"I’d like you to meet my father-in-law, he’s a laser removal specialist."
"Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."
"Just let me toss back another shot and we’ll get started."
"That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."
"Don’t worry, this is a one of a kind tattoo. Your clover has five leaves, not four."
"Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."
"If you don’t like it, don’t panic. I do bitchin’ cover-ups."
"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."
"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
"The flag's all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."
"Oops...."
"Latex gloves are for sissies."
"Do you mind paying me up front? People stiff me if I don’t get the money before I do the job"
"I haven’t learned drawing a Grim Reaper yet, so I did a naked chick hugging Mickey instead."
Dirty holiday tattoo joke
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for
2 tattoos. She wanted a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the
right thigh. When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos. She replied " My
husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and
Christmas."
Green Green Grass
A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered.
This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange
clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and
was scheduled for immediate surgery.When she was completely disrobed on
the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and
above it was a tattoo reading: 'keep off the grass.'After the prep and
the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "Sorry,
had to mow the lawn."
Tattoo On Her Butt
There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll.
He brought her back to the States and they were very happy. He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had. Every day it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have." Every night it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have."Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with
a tattoo on her rear end that said, "Beautiful Butt." So she finds a
reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to
turn around and after a brief pause says, "There is no way I can get "Beautiful
Butt" on your tiny little beautiful butt." But I can put a nice "B" on each
cheek which will stand for "Beautiful Butt." A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B's.
Well the big day arrives and after a candle light dinner, gifts, and a sip of brandy, she appears in the bedroom in
her birthday suit, turns around and bends over. Quickly sitting up he exclaims, "Darling I love you, but who the hell is
BoB?"
